February 2012

Written from Chester County during February 2012

In Granny’s kitchen, in Melanie’s lap, unlimited hugs and kisses…………. That’s some of what I miss.

I hope that all dogs do go to heaven. Sissy, Peanut, Lady, Shay, Molly & Rebel, Lucy.  I can’t wait to see you all at once.

This is not how my life was supposed to go.  I’m caught between, “God has a plan for everything” and “What the hell just happened?”

I can’t keep writing these if they’re gonna make me cry.

Remember how I made you laugh that time?

I spent a lot of my life dreaming about what I wanted or what I wish I had.  Now I just want my old life back.

I would give a million dollars to be able to spend one more night on the air mattress with Molly.

Todd Whatley & the Frontmen song “Grandfathers.” Pretty much the whole “Heaven & Earth” Horatio album.  I wish I could talk to Todd today.

How did I ever make it 34 years without reading?  Amazing? or Amazingly bored?  Whatever makes the time pass by.

The love and support from my parents is unbelievable.  I am fortunate.

Cameron & Huck.  They will always be my friends.  And I am forever grateful and thankful for their love.

Tomorrow would be a perfect day for me to teach Seabass how to play golf.   Surely he can’t be worse at that than he is at the track.

Psalms 3 was just the medicine I needed.

I remember all the laughter at Christmas when Darrell and AJ would pick at Grandaddy.  The laughing mask, the giant overalls…………….  Those made me want to be funny.

The words beer and moonshine can be replaced with Coke and tea and the song “Real Things” by Joe Nicholls would be just about perfect, wouldn’t it?

Once I purposely didn’t pray for 2 years.  I wouldn’t even close my eyes when other people prayed.

It’s amazing what one can eat if they’re hungry enough.

One Thanksgiving Daddy rode with me to Wetumpka.  We listened to Jerry Clower the whole way and laughed like we had never heard his tales before.  That was a great trip.

Another time I was in Wetumpka and “I” made a smoked salsa.  Who could forget that?  And by “I” I mean with UD’s help!

I was already an alcoholic (functioning), but I became a drug addict the summer of 2001.  Unfortunately, I hid it pretty well for 10 years.

Forgive us our trespasses………. deliver us from evil.  Thank you Jesus!

For a long time I was unaware, but I was always ashamed at the lack of thank you notes sent out after my first wedding.  I’m truly sorry.

Today I got to talk to Daryl and Tony.  It was good to touch base with some good friends.  I hope to stay in touch as much as possible.

Corrie and Rob, the next time someone wonders where they recognize me from, I think I’ll say,  “Well,  I did play lead guitar in a “California Girls” cover video back in the day…. It would be awkward & funny, I think.

I’ve thought about suicide over 1,000 times.  I’ve contemplated it over 100.  15 times I have seriously attempted & failed it.

The perfect marinade for any meat is as follows:  1 part whiskey, 2 parts Dale’s, 3 parts Cole.  Marinate for 1-8 hrs. Remove & add black pepper & put meat on the grill.  Trust me, I’m a professional.  And no, Momma, it won’t get you drunk.

I can’t say I’ve done a lot of things, but I have been part of an oven-mitt high-five.  And it was just awesome.

If a male walks into a bathroom because he is sick, and there’s a female that he barely just met in the frosted glass shower, as long as he says, “It’s okay, it’s just me” it’s okay right?  Didn’t think so.

Last night we had a prayer circle & I was moved to tears.  Everyone in here is going thru a struggle.  Their families are hurting as well.  God can be there when nobody else can be.  You gotta let him in.

I think I have always measured success in the wrong way.  I have to work on that.

If you ever get mad at God, guess which one of you will have to give in and apologize?

If I could send you a song from me to you, James Taylor’s “Close Your Eyes” from the One Man Band album.

The worst sunburn I ever got, Corrie & I thought we needed a long nap by the pool.  Woke up after an hour or two, turned over and thought we needed another nap. FRIED!!!!! Couldn’t sleep for a week we were in so much pain.  Ended up with a good tan though.

One time, I did the certain thing with some items & some stuff.  That was funny.

I let addiction ruin my life.  I want to overcome the obstacles that lie ahead, and I know it will be a difficult road.  And I have to find a safe way to cope.

Got some conflicting info today about where I should try to go & how best to get thru my time.  I pray that God will give me the ability to make the right decision.  I’m reminded of the Serenity Prayer.

Right before we were to go outside for rec, the Lord decided we needed a thunderstorm instead.  Kinda bummed.

8 years from now I picture me, my dad & my brothers fishing on the White River.  I think it can happen.

I heard a story about a man who did 10 years in prison.  Everyday he was in there, he played golf in his head.   He would visualize every stroke, and he would concentrate on his mechanics, and he would imagine greatness.  When he got out, he shot a 78.  He had never broken 90 before prison.  How powerful is the mind?

48.66 laps around the pod is 1 mile. 147.66 trips up and down the stairs is 1 mile.  Isn’t math fun?

The guitar intros to “Soul to Squeeze” by Chili Peppers & “Cannonball” by Counting Crows (on the Live @ Beneroyal Hall), yeah, those are awesome. 

It doesn’t take a very long time doing without to realize how much is taken for granted.  I think I would sell a kidney for a cup of ice right about now.

I guess I never thought about it, but did you know how long the legal process takes?  No matter what the charge is, it can take a year or more from the time the arrest is made before the actual trial takes place.  And if you can’t afford to bail out you spend that entire time locked up.  If you win your trial, you’ve still lost a year of your life.  All while your family is at home suffering and struggling.  How is that right? Not to mention the fact that as far as the newspapers & TV is concerned, you’re guilty just for being arrested.

8 years = 417 weeks & 3 days or 2,922 days.

The speaker preaching today said that a lot of people have been affected by our actions.  Now it’s time to show them some good.  Be the disciples we were called to be.

In Dave Dravecky’s second book, in reference to learning his cancer returned, he talks about the importance of asking the right questions.  Rather than “Why,?  Ask “What good can come out of this so that others may benefit?”

I have never planted a garden.  And I don’t think that is something to be proud of.   I have actually been thinking a lot about having a garden one day.  Maybe some chickens & rabbits too.

“Rescue” by Acapella has been running thru my head all day.  Where all did we go singing?

I have very few friends that don’t know about “the shot.”

Singing at Granny Haggard’s funeral after seeing Pops cry was very difficult.  And we were tucked in a room where nobody could even see us.  Singing at Granny Jones’ funeral almost seemed easy and we were at a pulpit.  That is strange that I’ve never thought of that before.

I remember my weekend trips to GA once Corrie & I got grown.  We really had some good times.